How To Heal PTSD

My trauma occurred in 1981. I was 13 years old. Understandable I might not have the coping or language skills to communicate my thoughts, emotions or experience. Understandable I might sink into silence.

Fast forward to 2005. 24 years have gone by. I am 37 years old; I still cannot speak about what I endured. There’s something wrong with that, don’t you think? Oh, I’d made a little progress by then: I could stutter out that I’d been hospitalized with a rare allergic reaction to a medication, but that’s it. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye when I said it. I talked too fast, explained too little, left people only with the vague understanding that something catastrophic had occurred. I didn’t like seeing the pity in the eyes of the person listening. I didn’t like the rubber-necking questions that came from those who just wanted the gory details. I didn’t like hearing the words out loud. Also, while I felt different from those around me, I didn’t want to highlight that fact.

And then, of course, there’s the issue that I myself didn’t want to hear the story or examine the details or get too close. I had spent my life trying to run faster than my memories. Why sit down and line them all up in a row?

WHY??? Because that’s what we have to do so they stop chasing us! Memories gain power when we try to shield ourselves from them. They feed on our fear and grow fate on fate and our desperate attempts to deny what we experienced.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Again and again I get back to our inherent strength. WE ARE SURVIVORS! If we could endure our traumas, surely we can learn to endure, conquer and control those memories that most frighten us. It will not be easy. I struggled for a long time to build a coherent story and be able to include those moments that left the greatest impression on me. This is where cognitive behavior therapy and building up the strength of your subconscious becomes helpful.
Being able to tell the story enabled me to bridge the gap between the power of my memories and my own power; between the power of the past and the power of the present; between being wracked with PTSD symptoms and becoming PTSD-free.

Begin taking back your power today. You do not have tell yourself the whole story from beginning to end in one session. You do not have to delve into all of the deep details. The BRIDGE THE GAP healing exercise today is just to make a simple outline of the following: What events led up to your trauma, and what events occurred during it.
That’s it. A quick in and out into the realm of the unspeakable. The goal here is to begin developing the ability to go near the memories (and if you can already tell the story, the details you leave out) and recognize their human existence. They are not magical beings. They do not have the power to destroy you. YOU hold the power to turn them into dragons or toads.

(photo: ificutmyhairirelandandwills)

I hope you’re getting used to the idea of this month’s PTSD healing resolution: I WILL TALK. Here’s why it’s so necessary:

The French psychiatrist and philosopher Pierre Janet proposed that “when patients fail to integrate the traumatic experience into the totality of their personal awareness, they become ‘attached’ … to the trauma: ‘Unable to integrate traumatic memories, they seem to have lost their capacity to assimilate new experiences as well. It is… as if their personality has definitely stopped at a certain point, and cannot enlarge any more by the addition or assimilation of new elements…. All [traumatized] patients seem to have had the evolution of their lives checked; they are attached to an insurmountable obstacle.’”

This sounds like a fair description of us PTSDers, no? We cannot go forward, and even though we hate going back, that is the place to which we continually return.

Janet goes on to say that “unless the dissociated elements of the trauma [are] integrated into personal consciousness, … [survivors are] likely to experience a slow decline in personal and occupational functioning.” Which means in order to heal – in order to move on into the future – we must conquer the past by making it become a small part of us, rather than looming largely over us.

This is the challenge of trauma, and eventually, the challenge of PTSD. Being able to tell the story of our trauma is the first step in bringing it down to size. In the aftermath of experience we must redefine ourselves; we are not powerless, we are powerful. Words can give us power. When we use the words available to us, when we tell the story, we begin the construction a post-trauma identity where we are the actors instead of the acted upon. This is how we begin to heal.

No matter how difficult it is to pull the details together, we must begin to try. Start thinking about the timeline of your trauma. This may encompass a few hours or a period of years. Sidle up to the idea of pinning down the memories and putting them in an order.

My intention here is not to cause you to trigger yourself. Approach this idea slowly and carefully, but I do believe that looking at what frightens us is a big step in healing. We cannot get the help we need from practitioners, doctors, friends, family, colleagues or lovers if we cannot communicate what ails us.

Turn over the idea of your story in your head. This does not need to be incredibly detailed, but it does need to have a context for your trauma. If this exercise makes you anxious, let it go for a while and then come back to it.

Today, your goal is to begin thinking of yourself as a storyteller. You are not a victim or survivor or PTSD sufferer.

You are Sheherazade. You are about to tell the story of a thousand and one traumatized nights. They are not your nights – they are nights in the universe and you are only the keeper of their secrets.

(photo: mosaicroro)

So, here we are, into February. Welcome to the month of my birth and my original motivation to heal my PTSD (I was determined to be PTSD-free by my 40th birthday).

The second month of the year means we’re onto Resolution No. 2 on our list of 12 Healing PTSD Resolutions for 2009. For the next month we’ll focus on the following healing resolution: I WILL TALK. So, exercise that jaw, warm up that tongue, for the next four weeks your quest to progress healing depends on how loosely you let the language flow.

I know this isn’t easy. By the time I was released from the hospital my lip lockdown had already begun. I could not talk about what I had experienced – for so many reasons:

One, I was overwhelmed by what had happened during my illness and could not effectively process all of that emotion at once.

Two, I was overwhelmed by the ferocity of the emotions themselves. I had never felt so strongly or fiercely and didn’t know what to do with the near-to-crazy feeling that kind of emotion brought on.

Three, I was terrified by what had occurred and could not assimilate that continued feeling of terror into a normal minute.

Four, I was so very afraid of trying to speak about what I thought, felt, experienced and endured. Letting it all stay cooped up in the dark of my mind seemed safer than letting it out into the light of my new, moving forward day.

Five, I was on the brink of a great psychological meltdown. I was certain that trying to examine everything would bring on an episode that would completely annihilate the thin thread by which my sanity was hanging.

Six, I didn’t have the vocabulary for explaining how I felt or what I had experienced.

Seven, I didn’t know how anyone would react to what I had to say. I thought people would be … unable to embrace the fact that, for example, I had experienced leaving my body.

Eight, I wanted to pretend my illness had never happened. Simply, I wanted to exit the hospital and leave behind – as my parting gift – all of my memories, thoughts and experiences. (A nice idea; it doesn’t work.)

Nine, I thought moving on was strong. I thought moving beyond trauma meant not having to talk about it. I thought being brave meant immediately letting go of the experience, which included eliminating any impulse to have a chat about it.

Ten, I thought talking would keep the past alive. Silence, I thought, would kill the beast. (Little did I know…..)

So there they are, ten of the mistaken thoughts I believed immediately following my trauma – ten of the misguided thoughts and beliefs I carried with me for the next 25 years. (And oh, what lovely, fun, happy-for-us-all years they were.) The more I stuck to this “Don’t speak!” line of thinking, the worse my PTSD became. The worse the PTSD became, the more I stuck to this thinking until the vortex of the cycle became so intense my whole world crashed. And then I rebuilt it, word by word.

But that doesn’t have to be the way you accomplish healing. There’s no reason for you to crash and burn before you begin to heal. YOU can see the error of my ways, find the similarities in your own thinking, and make the changes now that are necessary to put you on the right path.

There are many more reasons why you won’t want to talk. Feel free to list your own in the comments section below.
And then, begin to accept that for all the reasons you don’t want to speak about your trauma, here’s the one reason you really, really should:

There is no way to heal if we remain in isolation, or if we allow our silence to isolate us.

This month your goal will be to break your silence – and if you’ve already broken it, to amplify your voice. Get ready, people. You’ll be surprised by the sound and strength of your own voice.

(photo: Pascale PirateChickan)

So, we’re at the end of our first month of the BRIDGE THE GAP healing process. How’s it going? Post a comment, shoot me an email; let me know how you’re doing.

I’m proud of you for taking these first steps and making it this far! You deserve a break. Kick back, relax. Congratulate yourself for learning how to:

1 - craft your healing intention

2 - define what you want

3 - make the commitment to heal

4 - banish doubt

5 - get in touch with your courage

6 – understand your fear

7 – boost your belief in healing

8 - support the healing process
With the completion of this month’s work you’ve formed a solid foundation on which to build the rest of your healing journey. When we begin to work on Healing PTSD Resolution No. 2 (on Saturday) you’ll be cracking the statistic of that 89% of people who give up on their New Years resolutions by the end of January. You will be in the top 11% of people who get things done; an elite club indeed. So….

Bravo! Well done! I salute you. I applaud you. I honor you and your desire to heal. I support your decision to keep on truckin’ and leave the past in the dust – exactly where it belongs.

(photo: Scandblue)

A couple of times I’ve mentioned the importance of the subconscious in the healing mix, plus the fact that ‘imagination is stronger than knowledge’. One way to put these ideas into practice is to begin what Wayne Dyer calls (in his book THE POWER OF INTENTION) ‘thinking from the end’. He says,

I’ve used this power of imagination over my will in the production of all my life’s work… This thinking from the end causes me to behave as if all that I’d like to create is already here. My credo: Imagine myself to be and I shall be, and it’s an image I keep with me at all times.

Think from the end: …. Assume within yourself the feeling of the wish being fulfilled, and keep this vision regardless of the obstacles that emerge.

Part of healing is retraining the brain to see ourselves as other than survivors; to see ourselves as healthy, well and PTSD-free. To encourage the subconscious mind to let go of the PTSD identity it has so lavishly developed (and to replace that image with the new, healed and healthy you) we must actively discover, determine and decide who that newly whole self will be. Here’s a simple exercise you can do to imagine, visualize and commit to your future, PTSD-free self:

Settle into a comfortable position either sitting up or lying down. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths in through your nose – hold them, and then slowly release through your mouth.

When your mind and body have settled, slowly begin imagining what you will look like and who you will be when you are PTSD-free. This means consider your hair, your eyes, your skin, your weight, your clothes and your smile. Imagine the sound of your laugh and the lightness in your voice. Imagine the friend, colleague, lover, and family member you will be when your energies are not sapped by memory. Think BIG! Who do you wish you would have become if trauma had not gotten in the way?

The healing journey you are on is your chance to start over. It is your chance to deliberately decide, create, and build the new YOU. The more specific you get in your imagination the more powerful this image will be in your subconscious mind.

Take all the time you need to deliberately draw the picture of the future you. When you finish this visualization and feel you can see it clearly, hold it in your mind’s eye for at least one long moment. Then, slowly let it recede. Allow yourself to become aware of the room around you, the sounds, the smells, and the presence of the outside world. When you are ready, open your eyes and resume your day.

Tip: It will help you crystallize this visualization to write it down. Take a few moments to write out a whole description, or jot some notes about the main characteristics. As you look this over, you might recognize ideas you would like to add. Note them, too, and focus on them in your next visualization session.

The beauty of this exercises is that it can be done at any time of day or night, as often as you want. When you get used to the process, you can do this during a train commute, an airline flight, or even waiting for a meeting in a practitioner’s office. After a week or two of very deliberate planning, you will have completely designed an image of your future self. While you can always use a short visualization session to update it, you can now move into a new phase of thinking from the end: putting it in your daily thoughts. While you’re walking around, doing the laundry, driving to class – any time you’ve got a few minutes to spare conjure the future you. Get familiar with him or her. Become friends. Welcome him or her into your imagination and allow the image to grow. You’re the artist here, sculpt your new yourself!

(photo: rnolan1087)